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Posts Tagged ‘Bridesmaids’

So I missed Fun Friday because I posted the clip of Inside the Body Beautiful, but there was something I saw last week that was perfect Fun Friday material!

Buzzfeed’s What It’s Like To Be A Twentysomething, As Told By Mean Girls, Bridesmaids and Girls struck a chord with me, so if you’re female, I reckon you’ll feel the same about life now, or how life was at one point!

Hayley Emma

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I thought I’d keep this post short and sweet with a little bit of corny thrown in.

 

This.

Life has bitten me on the ass, with my Eating Disorder, financial struggles, unemployment struggles. And last year my life was slapping me around a bit.

For the past couple of weeks though, I feel like I slapped Megan in the face. And by Megan, I mean life.

It’s not breezy, it’s difficult and several times a day I feel like there’s no point in fighting back.

And life hasn’t hit me as hard as some.

The important thing is I’m fighting back now, a lot harder than just a couple of weeks ago.

I am ready for the difficult times ahead, because anything is better than staying where I’ve been for the past 10 years.

Who’s willing to join in with the fisticuffs?

Seriously guys, I’m gonna need some back up.

Emma

P.s. I love Megan. And who wouldn’t take 9 puppies?!

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Last week was my friend’s wedding, and it was beautiful. She looked stunning in her dress, the groom looked handsome in his suit and it was a gorgeous summers day.

I’ll ask permission from the bride when she gets back from her honeymoon about whether I can post a picture of the day on here because apart from the fact that she’s such a brilliant friend, her wedding was so pretty!

I bared my upper arms. I thought I’d be nervous in the run up to the big day but the anxiety only kicked in the night before. I was more worried that everything was going to go according to plan, as my friend had worked hard to get every little detail perfect.

Not being well with IBS the night before the wedding (I won’t go into any more detail, don’t worry) It started to sink in that in a matter of hours I’d be walking out before the bride in front of her friends and family. Then I reminded myself what everyone does at weddings when the bridesmaids walk out – they try to look around them to see the blushing bride. With that in mind, I just kept reminding myself that although showing my arms was a big deal for me, it wasn’t a big deal for anyone else. People were there to see two wonderful people get married, and finally, finally I stopped obsessing about my arms and focused on the task ahead.

With the possibility of IBS occurring on the day, I took my tablets and tried to eat a little bit regularly. I took myself away to a separate hotel room before the other bridesmaids arrived to start the process of getting ready and did a ‘grounding’. A grounding is a form of meditation, as when a person because stressed about something, their thoughts can become muddled. Doing a grounding, becoming aware of myself and my surroundings has really helped when my anxiety has become overwhelming. The thought of being centre of attention before the bride appeared had me freaking out, so I led on the hotel bed with Katy Perry’s Wide Awake (I’m loving that song at the moment) in the background and became aware of my body. Then I started to pick apart the day into more manageable chunks – first, hair. Second, make-up. Third, dress.

I offered to help relax the bride as she was also anxious – obviously, it was her wedding day! – but she calmed down when the other bridesmaids arrived.

The wedding itself was beautiful, we walked outside to a gazebo and witnessed the marriage. It was the perfect place to get married, and the bride and the groom looked so happy.

After the pictures were taken and I sweated off my fake tan (no joke) I slipped on my bolero. I am so thankful that I could put a cover-up on for the reception.

The Flowers I Walked Down The Aisle With

In conclusion, I totally did it! I showed my upper arms to people for the first time in … I don’t know, maybe a decade? Probably longer. I’m really proud of myself, and I don’t think I’ve actually meant that before. I’m proud of myself because I did something that, to me, was difficult. Showing my arms means showing my weight, I wasn’t able to hide. It’s showing my problems, everything I despise about myself, and you know what? It didn’t feel as terrible as I thought it would. I was self-conscious, yes, but I was still able to enjoy my friend’s wedding as two people in love getting married.

So, I’m happy.

Emma

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I went to a dress fitting the other day and it’s kind of, ever so slightly… diminished my confidence. I mean, what little confidence I had built up from making big improvements in shoving my Eating Disorder out of the forefront of my mind. I’m aware that someone I know and love very much might read this , as she’s directly involved, and I hope she won’t take offence. This is a blog about Eating Disorders and body image, and I have to write about this particular problem a) I’ve got to get it off my chest and b) I’m sure I’m not alone.

I went for a bridesmaid’s dress fitting, and me and a pregnant woman swapped dresses – I’m not even kidding. The depressing thing is most of my weight isn’t even on my stomach. Truth be told my dress was too big up top, so we swapped and it fit in some areas but has to be altered on my thighs. I was stood in the shop, people walking around, in a strapless dress, showing my upper arms in front of people I’ve never met – something I have never done because my arms are horrendously fat – and I felt like the ugliest duckling in a room full of swans.

To make it worse, when me and one of the bridesmaid’s swapped dresses, in order to save time the seamstress took 2 of us in the changing room and whipped both of our dresses off. She, the pregnant woman, had leggings on (why the fuck didn’t I think of that?!) but I didn’t. I stood in my underwear, waiting for a dress to be put over my head and shimmied down.

We both laughed at the situation – she has no idea of my Eating Disorder or body image issues – and I jokingly tried to cover up as much of myself as I possibly could. At the time the only thing I could have done is laugh, and it lightened the mood, but inside I was panicking.

“Enough. Too much. I am done with this.” I wanted to run out of the shop, into a newsagent, grab some grade a binge food and get as far away from reality as possible. I couldn’t be happy for the bride or the other bridesmaid and I lost sight of the what we were there for. My friend, who is wonderful, is getting married to the guy she loves and it’s lovely. I’m so happy for her, I want her day to be perfect and I want to shut my mouth, shut off my thoughts, and enjoy the process of being a bridesmaid. I want to ensure that my friend gets everything she’s worked so hard for, and most importantly, witness a beautiful day where she marries the person she’s going to be with for the rest of her life.

I want to be ‘relaxed’ like Annie from Bridesmaids.

I wish more than anything, more than being slim for the wedding (!!) that I could stop worrying about my body and do this. Unfortunately, I can’t shut off my thoughts. I can, however, work hard to lose just a bit of weight before the wedding, especially on my arms which might possibly (oh my god, the thought makes me cringe with shame) be on show. I can get a fake tan, get a mani/pedi and get eyelash extensions… in other words, I can try to make myself feel as beautiful as possible… despite my horrific body.

I know this isn’t just an Eating Disorder thing: how severe is your negative body image?

Emma

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